1 step forward. 2 steps back. Today was a difficult day. Today he went back on oxygen. His jaundice level increased. The transfer is delayed. Today was also the day I realized that this is going to be our reality for the next few weeks. Not sure if it’s just all of the hormones or what, but today was also emotional to be brutally honest. I walked into Rex’s NICU room at lunch and there were 2 other moms in the room with their husbands sitting beside them as they were trying to breastfeed their babies, and I had to leave the room. This was something I longed to do with Rex. I longed for the big chair to come in with the breastfeeding pillow, and the privacy screen that is not really private. I wanted to feed my baby myself instead of a tube that ran down his throat. I wanted him in an open cot. I wanted him dressed. I longed to put on his first outfit or even first hat or socks or mittens. I longed to put baby lotion on him. To swaddle him up for bed. To give him a bath and wash his hair, since he hasn’t had his first bath yet and his hair is gunky. Today I craved normalcy.
I also changed his diaper for the first time today. Although this isn’t our first rodeo with a kiddo in diapers, I felt like I needed special step by step instructions with Rex. The nurse taught me how to use the cotton wool (cotton balls) dipped in sterile water to clean him during diaper changes. I was so excited just to change his diaper. The sweet nurse even let me change his bed sheets and prep his blankets in the shape of a mini dockatot for him to lay in. This small task made this Momma’s heart happy!
I crave for the day I don’t have to ask permission to hold my baby. I crave normalcy. Until then, I’ll ask 500x a day and nag the nurses to get to cuddle my baby as much as possible…
In good news, Joe got to hold Rex for the first time today! He really is the best daddy ever!
To end with the funny story…of course when it rains it pours. So now not only is Eli sick with a horrible cold, but my mom is also sick too! She didn’t feel well this morning but she insisted she could still watch Eli for the day while we went to the NICU. This morning just Joe had went to Whittington because I planned on spending time with Eli this morning then meeting them at the new hospital when they arrived. Well with the transfer delayed I decided to head up to Whittington at lunch. My mom was home with Eli. I had texted her some updates and no response, which is super weird. Then I was holding Rex for a few hours and Joe asked if I talked to my mom which I hadn’t. He had tried to call her to check on them with no answer. I had tried to text and call a few more times but by 5, we hadn’t heard from her in 5 hours. At this point, Joe and I decided to pack up and head back to the house to check on them. Last minute, I decided to login to findmyiphone with her iTunes account to try to see where they were. Once I saw they were at the house, I alarmed her phone, and she called within minutes. Her and Eli were just taking a super long nap! Ha! I guess we needed a little humor in our crazy day today!
